Consider what it will be like to be gone

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Hindsight is 20/20. One of my memories of first grade was on the playground in the line for tetherball. A disagreement arose centered around the ambiguous guidelines we were calling the “rules” for playground tetherball. With tears welling up in his eyes at the perceived unfairness of the situation, one of the popular kids disinvited another one of the popular kids from his birthday party. A hush fell over the playground. Disinvitation from a birthday party was the pinnacle of first grade anger and hatred.

Looking at people who are in a stage of life through which we have already passed through, such as elementary school, high school, the first job, or any number of other stages, it is easy to maintain a context and objectivity. However when actually living through those stages, it becomes extraordinarily difficult to maintain context and objectivity. As stupid as a birthday party sounds now, when you are 6 years old and can only remember 1 or 2 of your own birthdays, these trivial cultural celebrations become of ultimate importance. Relationships, awards, publications, jobs, and tests that felt like they had the weight of the world resting on them can be looked back upon with barely an afterthought.  Peter Thiel, co-founder of paypal and venture capitalist, writes about how difficult it was to quit at his law firm. From the outside it looked easy to quit, simply walk out the door. But from the inside the difficulty in leaving was more akin to an escape from prison.

Often the opinions of our current peers and supervisors feel like they mean the world to us. It is often helpful to imagine what leaving your current job, social circle, or school will feel like. That supervisor who you were always trying to please, well their opinion no longer has any bearing. Your arch enemy in the adjoining cubicle is reduced to a mildly annoying memory. Your work, while certainly having some meaning, likely will not have the same life and death consequences that you imagined them to have. What you will take with you is the experiences and knowledge you gained as well as the friendships you DECIDE to maintain. Everything else will be like an invitation to a 6 year olds birthday party.

So even as you work hard in your current phase of life, consider what it will be like to be gone.

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